1 00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:03,758 Morty?! 2 00:00:04,899 --> 00:00:06,328 - Morty! - Rick? 3 00:00:06,429 --> 00:00:08,796 - Hey, Morty?! - Rick? 4 00:00:08,832 --> 00:00:11,672 Are you far away, or are you inside something? 5 00:00:11,844 --> 00:00:13,172 Is this a camera? 6 00:00:13,383 --> 00:00:14,844 Is everything a camera? 7 00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:16,518 Morty, the garage, Morty. 8 00:00:16,569 --> 00:00:18,000 Come to the garage! 9 00:00:18,273 --> 00:00:19,303 Morty? 10 00:00:19,366 --> 00:00:21,203 Rick? W-where are you? 11 00:00:21,259 --> 00:00:22,508 On my work bench, Morty. 12 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,598 Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? 13 00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:25,652 Flip the pickle over. 14 00:00:25,688 --> 00:00:26,859 What, I'm gonna touch it, 15 00:00:26,895 --> 00:00:28,945 and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something. 16 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:30,445 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. 17 00:00:30,546 --> 00:00:33,203 You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. 18 00:00:33,478 --> 00:00:35,444 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 19 00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:37,680 Boom! Big reveal... I'm a pickle. 20 00:00:37,716 --> 00:00:38,892 What do you think about that? 21 00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:40,797 I turned myself into a pickle! 22 00:00:40,977 --> 00:00:42,833 W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. 23 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,734 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 24 00:00:44,789 --> 00:00:45,855 And? And? 25 00:00:45,891 --> 00:00:47,549 What more do you want tacked on to this? 26 00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:50,286 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job. 27 00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,709 Was it? Who cares, Morty? 28 00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:53,458 Global acts of terrorism happen every day. 29 00:00:53,494 --> 00:00:55,568 Uh, here's something that's never happened before... 30 00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:56,870 I'm a pickle. 31 00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:59,070 I'm Pickle Rick! 32 00:01:01,437 --> 00:01:05,238 ♪♪ 33 00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:09,166 ♪♪ 34 00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:34,596 ♪♪ *RICK and MORTY* Season 03 Episode 03 Title: "Pickle Rick" 35 00:01:35,111 --> 00:01:37,755 Are you going to, I mean, you know, 36 00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,702 is this the first part of some magic trick? 37 00:01:39,749 --> 00:01:41,859 I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. 38 00:01:41,906 --> 00:01:43,972 One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner. 39 00:01:44,019 --> 00:01:45,963 Well, can you move? Can you fly? 40 00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:47,633 I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could. 41 00:01:47,668 --> 00:01:50,768 All right, well, do pickles live forever or... 42 00:01:50,826 --> 00:01:53,729 Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. 43 00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:55,439 I'm a pickle. I-I'm just trying 44 00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:56,966 to figure out why you would do this... 45 00:01:57,010 --> 00:01:58,542 Why anyone would do this. 46 00:01:58,589 --> 00:02:00,889 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, 47 00:02:00,928 --> 00:02:03,050 which they can't, would be because they could, 48 00:02:03,086 --> 00:02:04,135 which they can't. 49 00:02:04,171 --> 00:02:06,275 Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. 50 00:02:06,311 --> 00:02:08,168 - Where's your grandpa? - Right here, sweetie. 51 00:02:08,204 --> 00:02:09,619 I'm a pickle! What?! 52 00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:11,018 Why would you... ugh! 53 00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:12,739 Look, we're running late. We have to go. 54 00:02:12,775 --> 00:02:14,034 Where are you guys going? 55 00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,493 We have an appointment downtown 56 00:02:16,529 --> 00:02:19,288 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, 57 00:02:19,335 --> 00:02:20,362 including you. 58 00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:23,621 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. 59 00:02:23,691 --> 00:02:25,769 Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. 60 00:02:25,823 --> 00:02:27,855 I mean, I don't know if I can... ooh, geez. 61 00:02:27,891 --> 00:02:30,686 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? 62 00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:32,110 - Morty! - It's okay, Beth. 63 00:02:32,146 --> 00:02:33,622 I understand Morty's suspicion. 64 00:02:33,669 --> 00:02:35,118 I've misled him before. 65 00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:37,860 Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact. 66 00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:41,602 Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way 67 00:02:41,665 --> 00:02:43,508 to get out of family therapy. 68 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:45,266 I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent 69 00:02:45,302 --> 00:02:46,891 the perception of my air quotes. 70 00:02:46,927 --> 00:02:48,782 Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? 71 00:02:48,829 --> 00:02:49,886 Great question, Summer. 72 00:02:49,922 --> 00:02:51,199 The unfortunate answer is 73 00:02:51,235 --> 00:02:52,719 I did this to challenge myself. 74 00:02:52,762 --> 00:02:54,758 And it could take hours or even days 75 00:02:54,797 --> 00:02:57,079 before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. 76 00:02:57,165 --> 00:02:59,074 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me 77 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,404 in a purse or a pocket, you know, 78 00:03:00,451 --> 00:03:01,505 if she really needs me to go. 79 00:03:01,540 --> 00:03:03,949 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it's fine. 80 00:03:03,985 --> 00:03:05,605 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out 81 00:03:05,641 --> 00:03:06,955 how to stop being a pickle, okay? 82 00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,892 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid 83 00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,360 hanging directly over you? 84 00:03:11,396 --> 00:03:13,922 Also, why is the string attached to it running through 85 00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,785 a pair of scissors attached to a timer? 86 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:17,933 And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, 87 00:03:17,985 --> 00:03:20,930 exactly when we would have left for therapy? 88 00:03:21,665 --> 00:03:23,855 Well, Morty, if you know must know, 89 00:03:23,891 --> 00:03:26,496 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, 90 00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,522 and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. 91 00:03:28,557 --> 00:03:31,180 Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. 92 00:03:31,227 --> 00:03:32,766 W-W-What are you doing there, Beth? 93 00:03:32,802 --> 00:03:33,931 W-W-What are you doing there, sweetie? 94 00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:35,804 Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle 95 00:03:35,839 --> 00:03:37,852 full of liquid unrelated to your situation. 96 00:03:37,888 --> 00:03:38,888 How's that gonna help? 97 00:03:39,125 --> 00:03:40,425 Can't argue with that. 98 00:03:40,469 --> 00:03:41,844 Great. We'll see you later. 99 00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:43,020 Hey, hey, be careful with that. 100 00:03:43,055 --> 00:03:44,322 It's for something else. 101 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,297 It's really important, 102 00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,998 so don't break it. 103 00:03:47,571 --> 00:03:49,844 Okay, I may have up here. 104 00:03:51,411 --> 00:03:54,436 Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. 105 00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:56,038 T-t-tah, tah. 106 00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:08,671 Oh, great. 107 00:04:09,025 --> 00:04:10,447 Stupid cat. 108 00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:13,779 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like 109 00:04:13,814 --> 00:04:15,212 to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! 110 00:04:15,259 --> 00:04:17,256 I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared 111 00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,084 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. 112 00:04:19,119 --> 00:04:20,136 I'm not a snake! 113 00:04:20,171 --> 00:04:22,030 I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! 114 00:04:22,077 --> 00:04:23,098 Whoa! 115 00:04:23,145 --> 00:04:25,434 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 116 00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:29,722 Oh, crap, that sun is bright. 117 00:04:30,447 --> 00:04:31,668 Okay, come on. 118 00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:33,131 This can't really be the way I go out. 119 00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:34,743 This is the mega-genius equivalent 120 00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:37,011 of dying on the toilet. 121 00:04:37,783 --> 00:04:40,448 So hot. 122 00:04:40,751 --> 00:04:42,878 This is how I'm gonna die. 123 00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:54,269 Oh, God, moisture. 124 00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,787 Oh, God, the moisture... Dial it back, God. 125 00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,722 Dial it back a little bit here! 126 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,121 Oh! Oh. 127 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:04,498 Oh, God! 128 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:06,542 Perpendicular, perpendicular! 129 00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,210 Oh, shit! 130 00:05:08,257 --> 00:05:10,212 Oh! Oh! 131 00:05:18,099 --> 00:05:20,232 Oh! Ahoh! 132 00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:29,724 Come on. That's it. 133 00:05:29,823 --> 00:05:31,589 Come get this delicious brine. 134 00:05:31,847 --> 00:05:32,982 Aah! 135 00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:37,112 - Come on! - Come on, mother-! 136 00:05:37,152 --> 00:05:38,740 Come on! 137 00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:01,585 Yes! 138 00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,779 How is this even family therapy 139 00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,144 if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? 140 00:06:06,180 --> 00:06:08,514 Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? 141 00:06:08,580 --> 00:06:10,756 It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. 142 00:06:10,792 --> 00:06:13,482 The family was told to get counseling by your principal, 143 00:06:13,518 --> 00:06:15,263 even though it's not the family that was 144 00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,592 huffing pottery glaze in the art room 145 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,714 and desk wetting in history class. 146 00:06:20,206 --> 00:06:21,506 Oh, the Smith family, 147 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:22,740 minus a dad. 148 00:06:22,776 --> 00:06:24,509 You're patients of Dr. Wong, too? 149 00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:26,568 Temporarily... By order of the school. 150 00:06:26,604 --> 00:06:29,763 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 151 00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:32,638 We... have never... 152 00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:33,674 eaten poop. 153 00:06:33,717 --> 00:06:35,526 Uh, me, neither. 154 00:06:35,623 --> 00:06:38,428 Say, where did my family get off to? 155 00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:40,702 Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. 156 00:06:40,738 --> 00:06:42,224 Come on in. 157 00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:48,977 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? 158 00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:51,310 He got wrapped up in an experiment. 159 00:06:51,443 --> 00:06:53,003 He's a scientist. 160 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,423 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, 161 00:06:55,459 --> 00:06:57,029 sci-fi level. His work is very... 162 00:06:57,065 --> 00:06:58,346 He turned himself into a pickle. 163 00:06:58,381 --> 00:07:00,467 Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry. 164 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,298 I suppose that's a good segue 165 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,638 into our little discipline cases here. 166 00:07:04,742 --> 00:07:07,451 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? 167 00:07:07,553 --> 00:07:10,654 What?! No! What kind of question is that? 168 00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:13,506 The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. 169 00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,959 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. 170 00:07:16,045 --> 00:07:19,545 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. 171 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:21,625 He's unpredictable and eccentric. 172 00:07:21,685 --> 00:07:24,154 The whole family is. Speaking of which... 173 00:07:24,248 --> 00:07:27,049 Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, 174 00:07:27,096 --> 00:07:28,795 and let me ask this. 175 00:07:29,170 --> 00:07:32,678 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? 176 00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:43,326 Wow. Ugh! 177 00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,545 Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. 178 00:07:48,581 --> 00:07:50,549 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back 179 00:07:50,584 --> 00:07:54,013 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them. 180 00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:56,144 You are one driven rat. 181 00:07:56,271 --> 00:08:00,182 Could you be a little more driven? 182 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,163 To the right. 183 00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:04,646 Yes, yes, yes! 184 00:08:04,682 --> 00:08:06,849 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! 185 00:08:07,102 --> 00:08:09,057 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? 186 00:08:09,104 --> 00:08:12,709 Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb... rat. 187 00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:21,737 ♪ 188 00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,172 Oh, yeah! 189 00:08:58,487 --> 00:08:59,696 Aaaah! 190 00:09:00,155 --> 00:09:01,712 I didn't say my father is perfect, 191 00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:03,228 I said his work is important. 192 00:09:03,264 --> 00:09:04,941 And she's saying what's important is 193 00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:07,104 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here. 194 00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:08,118 Oh, he did not! 195 00:09:08,154 --> 00:09:09,642 Let's do an experiment here. 196 00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,871 I get the impression this family values science. 197 00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:14,389 So raise your hand if you feel certain 198 00:09:14,436 --> 00:09:16,657 you know what was in the syringe. 199 00:09:17,501 --> 00:09:19,790 Raise your hand if you know for certain 200 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:23,275 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum. 201 00:09:24,603 --> 00:09:26,289 Beth, your hand did a little thing there. 202 00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:27,926 Do you really not see what's happening here? 203 00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:29,548 Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong... 204 00:09:29,642 --> 00:09:31,106 By the way, racist name... 205 00:09:31,175 --> 00:09:33,375 Obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your 206 00:09:33,411 --> 00:09:35,618 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run 207 00:09:35,654 --> 00:09:37,860 around what was supposed to be their therapy. 208 00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,564 Oh, I think this pickle incident 209 00:09:39,634 --> 00:09:41,228 is a better path than any other 210 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,073 to the heart of your family's dysfunction. 211 00:09:43,189 --> 00:09:45,173 I think it's possible that you and your father 212 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,329 have a very specific dynamic. 213 00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:48,525 I don't think it's one 214 00:09:48,561 --> 00:09:50,509 that rewards emotion or vulnerability. 215 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:51,868 I think it may punish them. 216 00:09:51,904 --> 00:09:54,384 I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, 217 00:09:54,525 --> 00:09:56,275 and is infecting your kids with a tendency 218 00:09:56,311 --> 00:09:58,423 to misdirect their feelings. 219 00:09:58,915 --> 00:09:59,969 you. 220 00:10:00,005 --> 00:10:01,017 - Mom! - Mom! 221 00:10:01,053 --> 00:10:02,152 both of you, too. 222 00:10:04,446 --> 00:10:06,252 By the way, you might notice that in spite of 223 00:10:06,299 --> 00:10:08,251 your numerous distinctive features, 224 00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:11,812 I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. 225 00:10:12,216 --> 00:10:14,189 That's because, to me, you aren't special. 226 00:10:14,227 --> 00:10:16,376 You were special to rats. Now they're dead. 227 00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:18,520 I guess it was me you should have impressed. 228 00:10:19,001 --> 00:10:21,289 God damn it, I love myself. 229 00:10:31,384 --> 00:10:33,343 Pickle Rick! 230 00:10:47,634 --> 00:10:48,814 Get that parkour. 231 00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:50,360 Get that parkour! 232 00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,079 - Aah! - Hey, it's cool. 233 00:10:55,115 --> 00:10:56,715 Just need to find the nearest exit. 234 00:10:56,751 --> 00:10:58,417 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out. 235 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:01,451 Whoa! 236 00:11:02,349 --> 00:11:04,637 Who in the toilet is this? 237 00:11:11,176 --> 00:11:12,363 What is it? 238 00:11:12,432 --> 00:11:14,850 A pickle? A rat? Both. 239 00:11:14,958 --> 00:11:16,615 It says it's a scientist. 240 00:11:16,650 --> 00:11:17,914 Where is it? 241 00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,794 It seems to be using the air ducts 242 00:11:19,841 --> 00:11:21,566 and the mail tubes to get around. 243 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,032 It's been gathering office supplies, we think, 244 00:11:24,079 --> 00:11:25,233 to build weaponry. 245 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,331 But look what it did on the mezzanine. 246 00:11:27,683 --> 00:11:31,940 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin. 247 00:11:32,222 --> 00:11:35,338 Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us. 248 00:11:35,491 --> 00:11:37,758 We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? 249 00:11:37,993 --> 00:11:40,072 32 armed guards. 250 00:11:40,197 --> 00:11:41,705 He killed two. 251 00:11:41,752 --> 00:11:43,103 It's on the phone. 252 00:11:43,181 --> 00:11:45,860 Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. 253 00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:47,290 Hello. 254 00:11:47,326 --> 00:11:50,195 Hi, um, can you, uh, please let me out. 255 00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:51,955 Your mere presence in this building 256 00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:53,783 violates international law. 257 00:11:53,861 --> 00:11:56,829 I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men. 258 00:11:56,907 --> 00:11:59,289 You should know those men killed themselves. 259 00:11:59,345 --> 00:12:00,688 And how is that? 260 00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,822 They didn't let me out. 261 00:12:02,858 --> 00:12:03,942 Solen'ya. 262 00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:05,218 Shut your mouth and do your jobs, 263 00:12:05,253 --> 00:12:06,630 you children! 264 00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:08,243 Uh, is this not a good time or...? 265 00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:11,305 Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya"... 266 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:14,172 The Pickle Man, an old wives tale. 267 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,072 He crawls from bowls of cold soup 268 00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:18,174 to steal the dreams of wasteful children. 269 00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,696 That'd be a lucky break for you. 270 00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:21,804 Go, shoot to kill. 271 00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:24,085 Aaah! 272 00:12:35,987 --> 00:12:37,065 We got him. 273 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,137 - Ah. - Ah. 274 00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:39,199 Because this pickle 275 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:41,387 doesn't care about your children. 276 00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,512 And I'm not gonna take their dreams. 277 00:12:43,575 --> 00:12:45,716 I'm gonna take their parents. 278 00:13:03,174 --> 00:13:05,021 Solen'ya! He's coming! 279 00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:07,908 It's because I threw half-way my sandwich! 280 00:13:08,049 --> 00:13:09,437 He's just a pickle! 281 00:13:09,484 --> 00:13:10,650 He's a monster. 282 00:13:10,719 --> 00:13:12,666 He's not the only one. 283 00:13:21,794 --> 00:13:25,154 You can stay, dead to the world and die in this room. 284 00:13:25,693 --> 00:13:29,685 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom. 285 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:33,599 There is no freedom while you're leader breathes. 286 00:13:33,717 --> 00:13:35,739 Our country is a prison. 287 00:13:35,927 --> 00:13:37,662 Then Catarina is a prisoner. 288 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,262 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. 289 00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:43,854 She lives, Jaguar. 290 00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:46,290 Where is this pickle? 291 00:13:46,544 --> 00:13:48,826 What do you think is in the syringe, Beth? 292 00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,243 You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me. 293 00:13:51,279 --> 00:13:52,932 - Anti-pickle serum. - It's anti-pickle serum. 294 00:13:52,967 --> 00:13:55,978 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum. 295 00:13:56,025 --> 00:13:59,560 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 296 00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:01,954 They're just angry at me for divorcing their father. 297 00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:03,307 I never said I was angry at you. 298 00:14:03,354 --> 00:14:05,721 That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. 299 00:14:05,768 --> 00:14:07,255 You do it so you don't have to say 300 00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:09,177 "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. 301 00:14:09,305 --> 00:14:10,568 Oh, my God! Oh, there... 302 00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:13,173 There's pictures of people eating poop in there! 303 00:14:13,209 --> 00:14:16,887 It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. 304 00:14:17,021 --> 00:14:19,466 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, 305 00:14:19,502 --> 00:14:21,860 you could ask him... He won't have to ask for it, okay? 306 00:14:21,896 --> 00:14:22,805 He won't need it. 307 00:14:22,852 --> 00:14:23,990 He'll just make more. 308 00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:26,123 He doesn't need anything from anyone. 309 00:14:26,373 --> 00:14:28,685 You admire him for that. 310 00:14:29,465 --> 00:14:30,953 It's better than making your problems 311 00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,248 other people's problems. 312 00:14:49,804 --> 00:14:50,923 Oh, come on! 313 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,935 Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal! 314 00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,373 You should know that isn't original. 315 00:15:06,408 --> 00:15:07,505 They have my daughter. 316 00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,580 There's nothing I won't do to see her again. 317 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:12,009 Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, 318 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,823 but killing you gets me to her quicker 319 00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,858 than your derivative bullshit. 320 00:15:20,431 --> 00:15:22,486 I never bullshit, Pickle Man. 321 00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:24,642 This can only end with one of us dead, 322 00:15:24,728 --> 00:15:26,257 and I have never died. 323 00:15:26,304 --> 00:15:27,861 That will be your downfall, Jaguar, 324 00:15:27,897 --> 00:15:30,869 not being open to new experiences. 325 00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:43,586 Is it done? 326 00:15:43,932 --> 00:15:45,376 Jaguar?! 327 00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:47,389 Jaguar couldn't make it. 328 00:15:47,498 --> 00:15:48,541 Do it. 329 00:15:48,705 --> 00:15:50,721 Okay, you win, Pickle Man. 330 00:15:50,793 --> 00:15:52,092 I'm unsealing the building. 331 00:15:52,162 --> 00:15:54,189 No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. 332 00:15:54,279 --> 00:15:57,557 Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds 333 00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:58,923 in a safe on level two. 334 00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:00,135 I'll give you the combination. 335 00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:01,992 That money belongs to the people. 336 00:16:02,039 --> 00:16:04,189 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! 337 00:16:04,244 --> 00:16:05,478 Do we have a deal?! 338 00:16:05,557 --> 00:16:07,569 Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter 339 00:16:07,605 --> 00:16:08,647 when you set her free. 340 00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:09,853 Or I'll be visiting you. 341 00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:11,310 Jaguar's daughter is dead. 342 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,724 Huh, so you're a liar. 343 00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:14,138 Jaguar was an animal. 344 00:16:14,185 --> 00:16:15,918 You're an intelligent pickle. 345 00:16:15,965 --> 00:16:17,178 We can do business. 346 00:16:17,214 --> 00:16:19,134 I don't think so. See you soon. 347 00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:20,767 - Is the helicopter here? - Yes. 348 00:16:20,803 --> 00:16:22,076 And the police are on the way. 349 00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:23,219 What do we tell them? 350 00:16:23,306 --> 00:16:24,415 Ooh! Aah! 351 00:16:24,462 --> 00:16:26,405 Tell them we were robbed. 352 00:16:30,826 --> 00:16:33,035 Hey! Hey, what are you doing?! 353 00:16:33,082 --> 00:16:34,725 I'm right here! 354 00:16:35,451 --> 00:16:39,208 ♪♪ 355 00:16:49,285 --> 00:16:51,098 Farewell, Solen'ya. 356 00:16:55,619 --> 00:16:57,081 F-15s are scrambled. 357 00:16:57,128 --> 00:16:59,627 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes. 358 00:16:59,697 --> 00:17:01,364 Well, my daughter is about five away, 359 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,783 and I've got about eight to live. 360 00:17:02,819 --> 00:17:05,357 Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter 361 00:17:05,393 --> 00:17:06,900 I love her, but not for you. 362 00:17:07,018 --> 00:17:08,325 Oh, well, uh, she knows. 363 00:17:08,372 --> 00:17:10,162 I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, 364 00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:11,846 to the extent that love is an expression 365 00:17:11,882 --> 00:17:14,316 of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines 366 00:17:14,388 --> 00:17:16,189 precludes the necessity of attachment. 367 00:17:16,314 --> 00:17:18,846 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters 368 00:17:18,893 --> 00:17:20,310 in an alternate version of earth 369 00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:22,158 that was taken over by mutants. 370 00:17:22,893 --> 00:17:24,942 Okay. Good luck with that. 371 00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:27,222 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 372 00:17:27,269 --> 00:17:30,292 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. 373 00:17:30,339 --> 00:17:32,072 Nope, just me. 374 00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:34,964 Yeesh! 375 00:17:36,893 --> 00:17:38,080 I... 376 00:17:38,302 --> 00:17:39,713 am... 377 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,288 afraid... 378 00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:42,932 that my kids will get expelled. 379 00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:44,682 Good. Summer, you go. 380 00:17:44,752 --> 00:17:47,031 I am mad... 381 00:17:47,127 --> 00:17:49,033 that I can't huff enamel 382 00:17:49,212 --> 00:17:52,178 without people assuming it's because my family sucks. 383 00:17:52,225 --> 00:17:55,467 I hope to be seen one day 384 00:17:55,503 --> 00:17:57,279 as someone that just likes getting high. 385 00:17:57,365 --> 00:17:58,454 Good job. 386 00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:00,287 Morty, do you have an "I" statement? 387 00:18:00,768 --> 00:18:03,745 I am sad... 388 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,149 that I peed. 389 00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:08,811 I-I-I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. 390 00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:11,989 Look at this family go. You guys are pros. 391 00:18:12,084 --> 00:18:14,949 What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 392 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,678 Ugh. 393 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,342 - You must be Rick. - Mm-hmm. 394 00:18:27,404 --> 00:18:29,128 I've heard a lot about you today. 395 00:18:29,164 --> 00:18:31,141 Your family is crazy about you. 396 00:18:31,207 --> 00:18:33,349 Your daughter holds you in very high regard. 397 00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:34,361 You're a lucky fella. 398 00:18:34,397 --> 00:18:36,258 Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still 399 00:18:36,305 --> 00:18:38,569 happen to have that syringe in your purse? 400 00:18:41,946 --> 00:18:43,420 Dad... 401 00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:47,946 I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. 402 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:51,977 It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. 403 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:55,125 I have had a rough day. 404 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,469 And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. 405 00:18:58,516 --> 00:19:01,250 I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. 406 00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:04,201 By changing you from a pickle to a human. 407 00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:05,573 Yes. 408 00:19:05,663 --> 00:19:08,216 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? 409 00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:10,571 So I wouldn't have to come here. 410 00:19:10,606 --> 00:19:12,216 Why didn't you want to come here? 411 00:19:12,263 --> 00:19:14,920 Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. 412 00:19:14,982 --> 00:19:17,138 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy 413 00:19:17,177 --> 00:19:18,190 for a living, and when I don't like something 414 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,931 about the world, I change it. 415 00:19:19,978 --> 00:19:22,149 And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall 416 00:19:22,184 --> 00:19:23,994 to listen to some agent of averageness 417 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,848 explain which words mean which feelings 418 00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:27,337 has ever helped anyone do anything. 419 00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:29,041 I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable 420 00:19:29,076 --> 00:19:31,168 and stop panicking, which is a state of mind 421 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,986 we value in the animals we eat, 422 00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:34,633 but not something I want for myself. 423 00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:35,828 I'm not a cow. 424 00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:38,053 I'm a pickle... When I feel like it. 425 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,611 So... you asked. 426 00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,113 Rick, the only connection between 427 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,394 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness 428 00:19:45,441 --> 00:19:48,330 destroying your family is that everyone in your family, 429 00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:51,685 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. 430 00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,626 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind 431 00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:58,328 as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. 432 00:19:58,375 --> 00:19:59,998 And I think it's because the only 433 00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:02,166 truly unapproachable concept for you 434 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,857 is that it's your mind within your control. 435 00:20:05,013 --> 00:20:07,724 You chose to come here, you chose to talk 436 00:20:07,912 --> 00:20:11,748 to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. 437 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,007 You are the master of your universe, 438 00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:16,595 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. 439 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,990 Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. 440 00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,779 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless 441 00:20:22,815 --> 00:20:25,717 by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth 442 00:20:25,756 --> 00:20:26,818 and wipe my ass. 443 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,466 Because the thing about repairing, 444 00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:32,266 maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. 445 00:20:32,376 --> 00:20:34,682 There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. 446 00:20:34,823 --> 00:20:36,346 It's just work. 447 00:20:36,382 --> 00:20:37,504 And the bottom line is, 448 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,839 some people are okay going to work, and some people... 449 00:20:41,171 --> 00:20:43,336 well, some people would rather die. 450 00:20:43,478 --> 00:20:45,806 Each of us gets to choose. 451 00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:49,839 That's our time. 452 00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,415 I'm going to give you guys my card 453 00:20:51,462 --> 00:20:52,629 and hope to hear from you again. 454 00:20:52,664 --> 00:20:54,616 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop 455 00:20:54,651 --> 00:20:57,132 and would like to stop, give them my number. 456 00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:01,221 I, um... 457 00:21:01,589 --> 00:21:03,438 I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. 458 00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:04,660 I... I shouldn't lie to you. 459 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:05,750 Oh, it's fine. 460 00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:08,113 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. 461 00:21:08,148 --> 00:21:09,932 But I hope you know that's not what 462 00:21:10,049 --> 00:21:11,535 that session was supposed to be. 463 00:21:11,582 --> 00:21:14,268 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants 464 00:21:14,323 --> 00:21:15,924 and Summer snorting glue or whatever... 465 00:21:17,335 --> 00:21:19,995 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. 466 00:21:20,075 --> 00:21:21,413 Well, there was so much more at stake. 467 00:21:22,718 --> 00:21:25,612 I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. 468 00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,821 Are we gonna go back? 469 00:21:29,034 --> 00:21:31,133 Sweetie, could I get... Get that syringe now? 470 00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:33,457 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. 471 00:21:33,504 --> 00:21:35,337 Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. 472 00:21:35,384 --> 00:21:36,940 Eh. 473 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:44,535 Jesus. 474 00:21:45,983 --> 00:21:48,183 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man. 475 00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:49,763 Weird breed. 476 00:21:49,846 --> 00:21:51,420 Man, I missed having hands... 477 00:21:51,612 --> 00:21:54,104 and blood and a stomach. 478 00:21:54,401 --> 00:21:55,533 We should get a drink. 479 00:21:55,737 --> 00:21:57,314 Really? Like, go somewhere? 480 00:21:57,361 --> 00:21:59,760 Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. 481 00:21:59,862 --> 00:22:01,885 Absolutely. 482 00:22:02,198 --> 00:22:04,221 I... I liked her. 483 00:22:04,510 --> 00:22:07,128 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? 484 00:22:07,190 --> 00:22:08,292 Maybe Shoney's? 485 00:22:08,339 --> 00:22:10,073 Yeah, either one. Either one. 486 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:14,354 ♪♪ 487 00:22:14,389 --> 00:22:18,026 ♪♪ 488 00:22:18,061 --> 00:22:21,526 ♪♪ 489 00:22:42,573 --> 00:22:44,596 You'll never get away with this, Concerto. 490 00:22:44,657 --> 00:22:46,854 That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez. 491 00:22:46,924 --> 00:22:50,679 This shall be my greatest performance of all time! 492 00:22:50,726 --> 00:22:53,019 ♪♪ Plays "Moonlight Sonata"... 493 00:22:53,073 --> 00:22:54,545 This is it, Morty. We're goners. 494 00:22:54,585 --> 00:22:55,977 We're not getting out of this one. 495 00:22:56,013 --> 00:22:57,236 After everything we've been through, 496 00:22:57,272 --> 00:22:58,619 this is how we're gonna die. 497 00:22:58,655 --> 00:22:59,788 Make peace with your god. 498 00:22:59,835 --> 00:23:01,923 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! 499 00:23:01,970 --> 00:23:04,689 And now for the E-splat! 500 00:23:07,009 --> 00:23:08,797 Jaguar! 501 00:23:12,369 --> 00:23:14,369 Who? Who was that, Rick? 502 00:23:14,449 --> 00:23:17,163 That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.